Favorite Proverbs Explained

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness."
Explanation: If you can't be a pious sort, at least wash that frock once in a while.


"Discretion is the better part of valor."
Explanation: the other part involves a knowledge of explosives and, in all probability, flame-retardant pants - you choose.


"Charity begins at home."
Explanation: First treat yourself to a nice piece of fish; then, go ahead and donate that car in the garage to the blind but maybe make sure they only drive it slowly.


"Don't go near the water until you learn how to swim."
Explanation: but even after you've learned there are plenty of strokes that are equally useful on dry land.


"Barking dogs seldom bite."
Explanation: go ahead and take that soup bone back, Rex won't mind.


"Better to be alone than in bad company."
Explanation: they were an altogether shitty band, your solo career can only improve.


"Don't wash your dirty linen in public."
Explanation: self-explanatory


"Every man has his price."
Explanation: maybe, but you're a real bargain only wanting that last bit of corned beef.


"Fear of death is worse than death itself."
Explanation: If you're that upset about it, the Powers that be will probably let you keep that sectional sofa or promise to get you another one just like it.


"He that is master of himself will soon be master of others."
Explanation: you too can end your almost chemical reliance on toothpaste if you just follow my simple instructions.


"He that knows nothing, doubts nothing."
Explanation: If you knew anything you wouldn't have trusted Dr. Mojak’s promise to refrain from fondling your breasts while you were sedated.


"He who hesitates is lost."
Explanation: what the hell are you waiting for these yams won't peel themselves.


"Ignorance of the law excuses no man."
Explanation: Yes, it is against the law. No, you weren't 'saving' the chickens by stealing that bucket of extra tasty crispy from KFC.


"Let the dead bury the dead."
Explanation: Just enjoy your enchiladas.


"Lightning never strikes the same place twice."
Explanation: You're not getting off that roof until the shingling is done.


"Live and let live."
Explanation: There's no such thing as a Lord of the Soup; Lou has got the same right to enjoy his navy bean as you do.


”We’re known by the company we keep.”
Explanation: when I’m with you I’m known as a guy that constantly points out all of the passing things over which he’d prefer to have a turkey.