Excerpt From a Suddenly Renewed Correspondence with an Erstwhile Fat Friend

"...Well I'll be dipped in marmalade. Hi ya, big fella. Glad to hear everything's alright. I hope you're not so big as to block out the sun for the nice aussies/kiwis who've played host to you for these past years. I can still remember that smell of slow death that came from your room every morning and thinking of the way your face swelled when you slept in tents does the same to my heart. Come home to us. Remember the way we'd blend like waters until we couldn't tell where you stopped and I started except by noting that you were the fat one and I was the one you were sitting on..."