Gunther A. Macoulahputz, Postmaster General: the 80s

What an anomaly. After returning to ourselves throughout previous decades we now turned away like one would from a video of your lower intestine hard at work. Everyone, but everyone, was seized with the certainty that we were living in the future. But not the idealized future posited by ideologues; as often as not the future we'd suddenly found ourselves in was a dystopian revelation. What choice did I have? We were losing. So, I did what I had to do: I allowed mail-carriers everywhere to start wearing short pants, but, only if they wore safari hats too.